Your Table
On the iPod “Oseh Shalom” by: Elana Arian
When my parents got married, my great grandmother, Mother Ann, gave them a set of Reed & Barton candelabras. She gave the same candlesticks to my mom’s brothers Mickey and Mark and to my mom’s first cousins Carol, Linda and Michele for each of their weddings. When she started suffering from dementia and my aunt wasn’t married yet she ordered the same candlesticks and asked my grandmother to keep them and to give them to my Aunt Leen when and if she got engaged. The candlesticks made their way into 7 Jewish homes.
When I was a little girl, one of the first things I learned how to do was to set a holiday table. It was something that I took great pride in. From polishing the silver candelabras to cutting the wick on the old fashioned hand dipped candles that my dad and I would go buy at The Market. I learned that setting a good table is like wrapping your arms around your guests when they walk into your door...
I can’t even begin to count the amount of times that I have rubbed the burnt colored silky paste into every crevice of the candelabras turning the dull colored metal shiny within minutes. I mean if you had to have a holiday chore, one that makes things sparkle was sort of a cool one to get.
The best part was that as soon as they were shiny enough, we placed them on the cloth covered table and set each place setting perfectly. And just as the house filled with delicious smells from the kitchen the lights would dim and my dad would light each candle until the table glowed. It was at that moment that the meal turned magical.
Tonight, I showed my boys the candlesticks. They have seen them many times before but tonight I explained where they came from and told them about the 6 other sets and where those sets are. I explained that my great-grandmother wanted her footprint to be at each of those homes...at each of those tables and how one of the most important parts of being Jewish and of all holidays in general is the company you keep. The people at your table. The ones who show up and the ones who don’t and how that creates the tapestry of your home and your life. See tonight is the beginning of the holiest day in the Jewish year. It is called Yom Kippur, the day of atonement. It comes 10 days after the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah. The high holidays are a time for refection. Yes, they are a time to ask for forgiveness but they are also a time to forgive and sometimes that means forgiving things that haven’t and are not being repented for and therein lies a struggle at times. As we were sitting around the table, Levi asked me to explain more about the days between the two holidays and why they are important. I explained that as Jews we believe that our actions determine our fate. That although there are harsh realities in the world, we have the ability to choose to live a life that is good and that those acts can alter what is thought of as fate or destiny.
There is a poem that is read during Rosh Hashanah that has always grabbed me, so I read it for him...
“On Rosh Hashanah it is written
On Yom Kippur it is sealed.
How many will pass on and how many will come to be?
Who will live and who will die?
Who will see ripe age, and who will not?
Who by fire and who by water?
Who by sword and who by beast?
Who by hunger and who by thirst?
Who by earthquake and who by drowning?
Who by strangling and who by stoning?
Who will rest and who will wander?
Who will be safe and who will be torn?
Who will be tranquil and who will be troubled?
Who will be poor and who will be rich?
Who will be made humble and who will be exalted?
But teshuvah, tefillah and tzedakah (REPENTANCE and PRAYER and CHARITY) Temper judgement’s severe decree”
Ha! Now don’t get me wrong there were a lot of wide eyes looking back at me. But my point was for them to understand that we are responsible for our own lives. We set our own tables so to speak. We open the doors and create the setting. We set out our finest china and we light our candlesticks. We invite the guests. We create our home. We can’t always control the weather outside and we can’t always guide the conversation around the table but we have the ability and the responsibility to create our environment and with that comes unbelievable power.
Whether you are Jewish or not... whether you believe in religion or science or tradition or art... I hope you take the opportunity to set your tables...find your home...invite your guests...forgive the rest and yourself the most... and light your candlesticks for some good ole magic.
G’mar ChatimaTova
To those I may have wronged, I ask forgiveness. To those I may have helped, I wish I did more. To those I neglected to help, I ask for understanding. To those who helped me, I sincerely thank you so much
May we be sealed in the book of life for a good year!
Love, Me
